- Teacher: How much is a gram?
- Me: Shit, Depends on what you want..
"what does your tattoo mean?"
It means I wanted it so I fucking got it
i could eat a whole avocado right now
Funny girls like you don’t get boyfriends. Funny girls like you get boys who are friends who want to date your boring pretty friends but also have you around to make them laugh.My mother - selawa (via perfect)
idea: a bunch of big rocks on a shelf above your bed and every time you hit your alarm clock the shelf would fall away and the rocks would come tumbling down
wouldn’t that really hurt you?
i never said it was a good idea
An inflatable lawn tent. Imagine laying in this while it’s raining.
but imagine, you are sitting all alone in this thing with a cat or something, and suddenly a bomb comes and the world is literally destroyed. But for some reason, your bubble isn’t. So then radioactive zombies and stuff and it’s just a cat, you, and your bubble against a million zombies.
-you smell different when you’re awake
-please help me (then smile as if nothing happened)
-you have lovely skin, I can’t wait to wear it
-your hair tastes like strawberries
-he knows, don’t go home.
-I always knew you would die in my arms
-every time I poop I think of you
-no one will ever believe you
-I killed mufasa
-I bet you didn’t feel me lick your ear
-mother told me it would be like this
you can tell i like to have fun by the fact that i’m using a silly straw to drink out of my daily bottle of vodka